Tired x infinity....

Today woke up with a terrible struggle... feeling was so heavy... guess its because I cried myself to sleep yesterday... wanted so much to talk to him... called... lucky he never answered the phone... or else I think I will feel even worst... wanted to break away from everything... but my legs are tied up by the new magazine programme I'm working in... every projects means so much to me now... I can't afford to screw up any... even thought I wanted to drown myself with tons of alcohol to numb myself... I just can't seems to have any time for it... shoot today... shoot tomorrow... I need a breather... I'm losing my breath every min... every sec.... some time I'm like out of my body... looking at the world around me passing by... the air around me starts tpo get still.... n I have no idea how long I can hold myself together without breaking down into pieces... I know I'm a control freak when there is people around... when there is no one... I'm totally lost in the silence... I just hate this feeling....